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Newcastle boss set for anger management classes after ban

| 12.03.2014

The rush of blood that sent Alan Pardew’s head into David Meyler’s noggin has landed the Newcastle manager with a record ban for a Premier League manager.

The Magpies will be without their hot-headed boss for seven matches all told, with the suspension split into a three-game stadium banishment and four from the touchline.

Facing Fulham in their first clash without Pardew, Newcastle are 7/5 to win, with the struggling Cottagers 9/5 and a share of the points 12/5.

But with Pardew now at a loose end for a few weeks, we’ve kindly come up with some alternative activities he can spend his now-free Saturday afternoons on:

Dance lessons

Pardew isn’t just a fighter, he’s a groover too and after Marlon Harewood gave West Ham a late winner over Bolton in the FA Cup, Pardew sparked into a very dad-like disco-dance celebration.

Newcastle’s answer to Saturday Night Fever’s Tony Manero hasn’t got his moves out since, but we reckon a few lessons may just give him the confidence boost he needs to spend his time on the touchline shaking his hips instead of his fists.

Boxing classes

Having quickly shelved his snake-hip persona for a far tougher bruising character, it’s clear Pards doesn’t mind mixing it with the odd middle aged man, and sometimes younger than that, in front of thousands.

Not shy in mixing up his styles, the Newcastle man has pushed opponents and now headbutted them, but the only thing left is an actual punch. Maybe he can hone those skills with a few sessions down his local boxing gym now he’s free.

Anger management

The most sensible option for Pards is clearly taking some anger management classes to ensure he doesn’t get into any more hot water when he returns to toe the white stuff.

Although him roughing up his tutor after a disagreement over how to meditate and getting banned from them too can’t be ruled out.

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Matt Wiggins

No idyllic sound comes close to leather on willow for Matt, whose previous experience includes stints with Spin Magazine and Surrey County Cricket Club. It's not just cricket that interests him though, with football, golf, tennis and any American sport not played on ice all high on his list of favourites.